Just putting it out there

Dear Lord, search my heart and see if there is any wicked way in me, and then, lead me on paths of righteousness. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

This prayer came from my daily Proverbs 31 email. The author's message compares a parenting experience with obedience and reverence to God. Yesterday, I watched Oprah interview Reverend Ed Bacon on "Super Soul Sunday" where he discussed prayer as a forum for allowing God to work through him, not as a way to ask for worldly things he might want.

I pray.  I pray, but I don't always listen.  So, as Lent approached, I began to pray about what "fast" the Lord wanted me to take.  I heard Him loud and clear: "Stay off Facebook."

Since giving up Facebook for Lent this year, you could say that I embarked upon a spiritual journey of my own.  What is a good an easy way to share with others became a way for insecurity and disconnection to pervade my life. I had become completely disillusioned with what is real and what is "show." I was missing out on my life because I was comparing it to the lives of others and then berating myself for not living up to what I saw others posting. I wasn't witty enough with a status, my kids and I weren't doing enough, I wasn't posting enough pictures, I wasn't cooking creatively, I wasn't sharing the right content, etc.

Calm, stillness, Spirit, vulnerability, deliberate, authentic, joy, wholehearted, awareness, Presence, connection, creativity, cultivate-these are my keywords du jour, de la semaine, du moment. Facebook was not offering me any of the above. Yet it wasn't until I removed myself from it that it became glaringly obvious. I was searching in the wrong place.

So I stepped back. For 40 days. And I didn't miss it! I didn't feel left out. I didn't feel "not good enough" or unworthy. I felt free. Once I got offline, I was truly able to connect with God and the people who are actually present in my life.

And that was what I had been searching for all along.  "Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path." Psalms 119:105 (NLT)

Welcome to my journey of self-discovery.  I won't always get it right, but I am on the path.